i am so tired. not physically whatsoever. short of the walking i do to the train and then to work and when i go out for improv stuff i don't do a lot of physical things. i've been debating joining a gym for about 6 months though, so who knows, maybe i'll start something physical soon.

i'm mostly tired mentally. just drained, and i'll tell you why. humans are sentient. tim is a human. tim is sentient.

oh, to be sentient. all it takes is a gripping movie (just finished when peggy sue got married), a mesmerizing song (colin hay and joshua radin), or a thoughtful episode of scrubs (season 6, episode 10). whatever the medium, i can easily be sent into a funk for weeks. lately i've just been thinking about life. possibly i'm having my quarter-life crisis or i'm just realizing that the world isn't everything we humans try to make it in everything we create. whether it's books, films, television, songs, plays, or whatever, we're always trying to make things better than they are and when we do life nothing ever changes, it is the way it is, even though it might feel better temporarily. love hurts, sex sells, and we all die.

if i ever write a book i just realized i want it to be titled "love hurts, sex sells, and we all die" © tim yager 2008, done!

anyway, what i'm saying is that we try so hard to make things better instead of accepting them for what they are. i'm pretty sure i'm still single because i think i had one of the most beautiful ex-girlfriends a guy could have. drop dead gorgeous. this girl was and is, clearly out of my league, but we were together long enough to convince me it wasn't all a fluke. add time and water everyday and you end up right where i am now: wondering where all the extremely beautiful girls who "get me" are and thinking how lonely being alone truly is.

well, the truth is although my ex was fah-hine she had her flaws like anyone else, but beauty and, god kill me, love, can blind even the most perceptive into thinking a person is perfect. in fact, everyone at some point in time will let you down.

"just need you to sign for this ton of bricks." "t-i-m y-a-g-e-r *cool squiggly line under my name" BAM!

man, i wish my life was a sitcom. at least that way i would learn something and the touching music would play and i would go out into the world and do something to turn my life around. unfortunately the only thing i'm doing after i press the submit button on this page is trying to get sleep listening to sad music and wondering if i start working out now will i look hot in the summer.

life's short and i feel like i've been idle for four years now even though i've done a helluva lot in the interim. i need to get out there and start mixing up a bit because actually putting a year to "it" makes me sick to my stomach. disgustingly sick.

oh, and i think that despite life being "what it is" maybe a beautiful song or film that lets us still believe that the impossible is possible and that life is truly awesome is what makes everything go-round. even cave men made art. with charcoal! amateurs.