i suppose you've heard murmurs of the truth lingering about. yes, today i got into a fender bender while i was trying to find a parking spot this morning. i was behind a lousy-looking, black geo kind of car. i noticed several parked cars ahead that a car was reversing, those big white lights are a dead give-away. i assumed this tart would try to get that space even though it wasn't much to write home about. he did. he did so with great fervor too. he slammed on his brakes and quickly accelerated with no regard to what was behind him, apparently he never dwells on the past, and even after a good second to hear my horn he slams into me.

what. tha fuck?

you're in a parking garage at 9:30am, well more like 9:37am (sorry, "work"), and there isn't a spot in sight, wouldn't you assume that shifting to reverse without even coming to a complete stop and flooring it was a dumb idea? there couldn't be other people looking for spots to park their car and trying to only get to work 15 minutes late instead of 20!

i got out quickly, pretty much ready to lash into this guy very subtly and with great precision, but i could see his bumper wasn't damaged and a quick glance at my bumper revealed the same thing. i could see the cars behind us freaking out because there was no way past us in this tiny garage; it felt great. they all think this is going to be some long ordeal and i know that i'm gonna look this guy in the eye, catalog his face mentally, and get back in my car.

seriously, the cars behind me were coordinating without words how to reverse back through the garage to get out of here. i couldn't see the drivers in those cars, but i assumed they were all those high-strung, prissy old lady types who look like those old lady jc penny models with their trite smiles and thin lips saturated in a light, but not too plain shade of pink. i'm sure their cars smelled like a conglomerate of at least 5 different smelling perfumes. the kind that comes in those old lady bottles.

i looked at the guy, we agreed verbally there was no substantial damage and that we should go about our lives, then we both agreed, non-verbally, that he was a complete idiot and we both got in our cars and went about our day.

the kicker? since i know you're all dying to know: the guy never even took the spot! he sped off in what i can only hope was a "i'm an idiot, i'm an idiot, i'm an idiot!" kind of rage. i didn't take the spot either. i only park near staircases and elevators, i'm no fool.